Monday, May 31, 2010

Staying Centered

I have found myself on a path....alone. I'm ok on this path. I have chosen it, now. I am nurturing a relationship with my Self and am enjoying that process. I am opening up to many possibilities and am optimistic about my future.

Another, who I had/have detached from, and who was choosing a different path, is now maybe seeing that the path they have chosen isn't the one they really want...or the one that is healthiest for them. So, I can feel this person gravitating back to a path similar to mine. This is a good thing for that person. It is a "better" path from the one she was choosing. I am relieved and hopeful for her and want her to be well...for herself.

The difficulty of this is that now things have changed. I have changed and am continuing to change. I am beginning to like who I am and where I am and what I am becoming. I am able to breathe in my home, to feel calm and at peace, and to not have fear.

What I have always wanted was to journey along side of this person. To experience joy, serenity, calm, and adventure together. That was what I chose 11+ years ago. And that is what I was committed to. But, now, having felt hurt, rejected and abandoned, I am really apprehensive and fearful. I do not want fear to be a part of my experience any longer. So, while a large part of my Self still wants to walk with this person, there is another part that knows it will really take time before we are walking side by side. And, I know that we may never be that again, even if we are on the same path.

So, my difficulty now is staying focused on who I am, where I am, and where I am going. My difficulty is to not change any of those things I am doing, just because she may be jumping back onto this road that I'm on (and that many others are on, too). I am responsible for my journey and my journey only. I cannot change what I'm doing, to please another person, anymore.

I am now committed to a relationship with my SELF. It is a monogamous relationship. I am my life partner. What I need is to nurture that relationship for awhile. Alone. And, when I'm ready and steadfast in that relationship, then I can open up to another person again. My hope today is that the other person will be my soulmate that I have lost....because today I do believe that we are still I'm TRUSTING in my God/dess that more will be revealed and that what is to be will be. I need to be open to what the Universe has in store for me. In the meantime, I am remaining true to my Self and just Being exactly where I am.


  1. I'm not sure how I found you blog - a connection of a connection of a connection led me to your 'texting god' blog - but I really love the way you are looking at life and its sometimes difficult ways. I wish I had "committed to a relationship with my SELF" at your age, instead of in my late 50s. That last paragraph really touched my heart, and I believe you are being exactly what you need to be at this time. Keep being true to your Self.