Merry Yule

I'm sitting here in the dark, on the longest night of the year, Winter Solstice. I've lit the candle that I made at the last full moon, to burn until it is gone. I plan to say up with the dark until I need to rest. I love the quiet darkness, I love the dark of this time of year. My body and spirit naturally follows the cycles of the seasons, feeling withdrawn and dormant during these months. The Solstice reminds me of the light and causes a stirring, deep within my body. That spark of longing ignites with the new Sun and grows steadily until the first shoots begin to poke through the hard ground in the Spring. But, for now, it is just a quiver....just a small warmth deep within that I can look to when I need to feel hope, when I need to remember that after the dark comes light. I feel that I am in need of hibernation. I am in need of the dark, where I can hide and mourn the loss of my love. I need the cover of darkness, to give me privacy in my grief. I need to know that there is a small spark inside, a spark that promises that there will be light after this darkness within my soul. There will be freedom from this pain. There will be new life. It has already begun, deep inside. So, I will hold myself close...nurture myself through...and will tend to that light within, retreating there for warmth and comfort when there is none outside. My wish for this coming year....my hope that I am sending out into the universe....is that I will trust and that I will be present to what is placed before me. My wish for you is love.

Druidry

I really need some focus and am feeling like I need to, once again, find a daily practice to nurture my spirit. I find that I am at my best when I am connecting daily in some way. It's so easy to get away from it. Again, it makes no sense to me that I find what works and then I stop. Stupid human. Anyways, I have a dear friend, who I consider to be a sort of spiritual mentor, who has encouraged me to explore the path of Druidry. He knows better than me that it is probably my path. I dabbled, learned a little bit, and then veered away from it again...into Wicca. I've now made another turn in my path, away from Wicca (although not completely dismissing it), and am finding myself standing "alone" on the path again. And I'm pulled back to Druidry (my friend is so wise). Years ago, I found this site called "the Druid Network" and on it there is a "Perennial Course in Living Druidry" that I really liked. I actually printed it out once, put it all in a binder, and worked a few of the units. I'm not sure what happened....I suppose I saw something shiny. haha This morning it suddenly popped into my head again and I went back to the website (a Perennial Course in Living Druidry at the Druid Network). Again, I feel something when I read the words and when I begin to consider this path. I have the distinct image of trees...big, strong, amazing, Gods/Trees. I can feel them and smell them and tears well up inside of me. So. I think I going to start again on this course and see what there is for me to learn from it this time. Join me if you'd like. Tell me your thoughts.

updates

It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. Too many things have happened to even put in one post. I'll try to put it in a nutshell. I joined the coven Grove of Gaia after going through the initial classes that I talked about. I remained a member until this past month (November) when I felt that it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. In April of 2011, actually soon after my last blog post here, my partner was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. It was devastating news. I cared for her at home for six months before she passed on October 22, 2011. Talk about a spiritual experience (I'll blog more about this later, not ready yet). So, here I am, almost the holidays, grieving and just working on getting through this with our four children. Am am solitary again, spiritually, on my path and trying to become more involved in the pittsburgh community. I have been going to some gatherings with an eclectic group called Oaken Circle. The women's circle has restarted which is timely and wonderful. That's where I am. I'm not ready to go into this past years' experience, yet, but I will.

On the Path

So, I've been attending the Wicca 101 classes for about 7 weeks or so. They've really been great and have gotten me excited about what comes next. I was formally invited to join the Order of the White Pines which was so exciting. The OWP is a coven of initiates that is part of the Grove of Gaia. This is really exciting to me because it means I'm moving forward. I've felt that I've been sort of circling the same place on the path for some years and am really ready for another stage of development. I feel really good about Grove of Gaia. Lady Annabelle is a beautiful, talented, kind woman who has a wonderful energy about her. The others that I've met from the OWP seem great, as well. Two other people from my class have been invited (there were 7 in the class). One of them is Wayne, the young man I mentioned in an earlier post who I felt kind of drawn to. I'm glad he was invited, although I'm not sure he'll accept since he is busy with college.

I find it curious that I'm entering this new evolution of self at this time. There are things that I can kind of feel on the horizon that will require me to be centered, balanced, and strong. I'm scared, but grateful, and just really hope that my decision to join this spiritual group will be something that is really good for me and my family.

Womyn of Spirit was great this past Sunday. I created a ritual for Imbolc...the altar was beautiful, lots of candles, red, white, and other typical altar items.

We did an elemental cleanse, which was very cool, and made Brigit's Crosses. There were several other elements to the ritual that were great, as well. I really love creating these rituals and making them special and beautiful. Not only do I love to do that for God/dess, but I love creating this space for a group of wonderful women who are really busy and don't always get time to connect and be in a space like that. I like to make it something special, so that it feels like we're stepping into another different world, kind of. :)

Pathmaking

At my coven meeting last night, we traveled to a pathmaking read by Lady A. It was great! We went to a past life, future, present lifetime past, and the astral plane. I've gotten pretty good at getting to that state where I can travel and visualize. I love it. Last nights' visualization was very cool. The only issue I have is that the room we meet in is rather cold and that makes me aware of my present physical body a little more then I'd like. But, I've been able to go above that pretty successfully as well. I love traveling, though. It was interesting last night because one of the other participants (a young man named Wayne to whose energy I feel really pulled) was flying with me on the Astral plane. He's a young guy, probably early 20s. I don't know, yet, why I feel so pulled to his energy. I'm really enjoying this class. Although I've already learned most of the stuff we're doing, it's really good to start here again and kind of revisit the more basic ideas and practices in Wicca. I am really excited, though, to move on to the next classes in my training.

I really love receiving messages from the Universe and then spending the following days listening, observing, and finding connections to those messages. It always thrills and excites me. Receiving the message is always cool, but I have to remember that just the reception of the message isn't the WHOLE message and that more is surely to follow (if I am open and paying attention).

The past few days following my last coven meeting have been full of insights, connections, and "Cool!" moments. This is part of why I wanted to join the class. As a solitary, I can't tap into the same things that I can with a group. I need other energies, other magical humans and teachers to introduce perspectives, ideas, and inspiration.

I love when my spiritual self is awake and active and open. I feel like my eyes are open again and that I am in a totally receptive and learning state. My sensitivities are more acute and my abilities more atuned. Although I feel that as a solitary I was always connected and doing good work, this is a different feeling and an enriching way to learn and practice.

I have begun study with the training coven, Grove of Gaia. I'm SO EXCITED about this. After years of being solitary, with some circles, informal groups, and even an attempt at forming a coven thrown in, I've really had a longing to really learn and study the craft and be part of a coven that is active and enriching. I think I've found that in the Grove of Gaia. The teacher is Lady Anabelle who I actually know from years and years ago when I attended one of my first public rituals at a local UU church. She's wonderful, has fantastic energy, and is someone I would love to work closely with. There have been two classes so far and I'm enjoying it. I like the other participants and feel especially drawn to a young man (probably in his early 20s) who has sat next to me both classes. He has a wonderful, sincere, sweet energy but i also sense a real power and integrity in him. He's really the only person, other then Lady Anabelle, that I get any real and strong feeling for.

So, beginning another journey, exploring a little more deeply, and nurturing a little more.

My messages from last class:
"Go, Learn"
"Heal"
"It's In the Trees"

BB!