Friday, May 21, 2010

obla de obla da

life goes on, huh? yep. it does.

it's interesting how emotions are. to go from one to the other so quickly. to feel happy and then remember, and feel sad. to feel anxious at the same time that you snuggle with your little one and feel content. to be afraid, while feeling so strong and confident. i understand why people call things "an emotional roller coaster."

mostly, though, as days pass and life continues and i say "hello" to myself in the mirror, i feel ok. i will be ok. it's crazy to be almost 40 and realize that i don't know myself outside of a relationship. wow. so, i do admit that i'm fascinated at that and am (dare i say) enjoying that.

i feel like i'm finally getting to a place of balance. i'm finding my center again. life is going on and more is being revealed everyday. my children are wise and they help me immensely. they know me so well.

i'm excited to be working again on my spiritual self and connecting in that way. i've been caught up in dysfunction and another person's misery for awhile. we were *stuck* in this negative place together. suddenly things are freed and moving again. i'm grateful for that. i've learned once again that when i let go and move out of the way, the energy flows.

i'm not done feeling my emotions. i feel a little tingle of anger right now as i type this. and in a minute i'll probably feel sad. but that's ok today! i can feel it ALL and trust that it will all pass and that i'll get through it. i don't have to cover it up with anything, i don't have to make it go away or use some substance to block it. i can FEEL....and even though i don't like it, it's part of being alive and i know that there's another feeling right around the corner. you just can't stay in one feeling for two long. my dog will jump up and lick me while i'm crying, or james will put his little hands on my face and say, "don't be sad mama, you are happy!" and then i smile and feel so grateful to be exactly where i am.

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