Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I'm sitting here in the dark, on the longest night of the year, Winter Solstice. I've lit the candle that I made at the last full moon, to burn until it is gone. I plan to say up with the dark until I need to rest. I love the quiet darkness, I love the dark of this time of year. My body and spirit naturally follows the cycles of the seasons, feeling withdrawn and dormant during these months. The Solstice reminds me of the light and causes a stirring, deep within my body. That spark of longing ignites with the new Sun and grows steadily until the first shoots begin to poke through the hard ground in the Spring. But, for now, it is just a quiver....just a small warmth deep within that I can look to when I need to feel hope, when I need to remember that after the dark comes light. I feel that I am in need of hibernation. I am in need of the dark, where I can hide and mourn the loss of my love. I need the cover of darkness, to give me privacy in my grief. I need to know that there is a small spark inside, a spark that promises that there will be light after this darkness within my soul. There will be freedom from this pain. There will be new life. It has already begun, deep inside. So, I will hold myself close...nurture myself through...and will tend to that light within, retreating there for warmth and comfort when there is none outside. My wish for this coming year....my hope that I am sending out into the universe....is that I will trust and that I will be present to what is placed before me. My wish for you is love.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
I really need some focus and am feeling like I need to, once again, find a daily practice to nurture my spirit. I find that I am at my best when I am connecting daily in some way. It's so easy to get away from it. Again, it makes no sense to me that I find what works and then I stop. Stupid human. Anyways, I have a dear friend, who I consider to be a sort of spiritual mentor, who has encouraged me to explore the path of Druidry. He knows better than me that it is probably my path. I dabbled, learned a little bit, and then veered away from it again...into Wicca. I've now made another turn in my path, away from Wicca (although not completely dismissing it), and am finding myself standing "alone" on the path again. And I'm pulled back to Druidry (my friend is so wise). Years ago, I found this site called "the Druid Network" and on it there is a "Perennial Course in Living Druidry" that I really liked. I actually printed it out once, put it all in a binder, and worked a few of the units. I'm not sure what happened....I suppose I saw something shiny. haha This morning it suddenly popped into my head again and I went back to the website (a Perennial Course in Living Druidry at the Druid Network). Again, I feel something when I read the words and when I begin to consider this path. I have the distinct image of trees...big, strong, amazing, Gods/Trees. I can feel them and smell them and tears well up inside of me. So. I think I going to start again on this course and see what there is for me to learn from it this time. Join me if you'd like. Tell me your thoughts.
Monday, December 12, 2011
It's been a long time since I've updated this blog. Too many things have happened to even put in one post. I'll try to put it in a nutshell. I joined the coven Grove of Gaia after going through the initial classes that I talked about. I remained a member until this past month (November) when I felt that it wasn't the direction I wanted to go in. In April of 2011, actually soon after my last blog post here, my partner was diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. It was devastating news. I cared for her at home for six months before she passed on October 22, 2011. Talk about a spiritual experience (I'll blog more about this later, not ready yet). So, here I am, almost the holidays, grieving and just working on getting through this with our four children. Am am solitary again, spiritually, on my path and trying to become more involved in the pittsburgh community. I have been going to some gatherings with an eclectic group called Oaken Circle. The women's circle has restarted which is timely and wonderful. That's where I am. I'm not ready to go into this past years' experience, yet, but I will.